I think I'm over it.
Really.
I remember when I started college and found the wonderful world of social networking. Myspace. I was addicted. I spent countless hours in the computer lab at school seeing how many people I could find. Then, I got bored. Then, I found facebook. That was right after I got married. It was so exciting to see all of the people I hadn't talked to in a few years, seeing where they were, who they were married too, and, of course, all the pictures of their babies!
I think it was mostly because I was lonely. I was settling into my new life as a housewife, and, realistically, one can only clean so much before insanity sets in. So, once we got the internet, I connected with anyone who I knew...even if I had only met them once or twice. This random list of "friends" was fun, at the time. Now, I find myself with hundreds of friends....and I can say I only really keep in touch with
maybe twenty of them. I go through my friend list from time to time and delete people. None seem to miss me...a couple have asked if they have done something wrong. It's not that, I just don't talk to them. We have grown apart, or were never close. I am realizing that I feel safer with my circle of friends and no longer want to put myself out there.
Social networking has become this scary giant. People sharing intimate details of fights between them and others with EVERYONE of their "friends". I don't need to know everyone else's drama...I have my own. This isn't to say I am uncaring. I am far from that, I have many friends who I love, and who I am always there to, for counsel, for prayer, etc. And not all of those friends are old ones, some of them are very new. New friends that the Lord has brought into my life and used to enrich it in amazing ways, leaving me speechless.
I just don't want to feed the monster anymore. I appear as "offline" to most. I don't post statuses, I have taken down most of my pictures. I think facebook has given a lot of people a sense of safety, to post all kinds of information (if I really want your phone number or address, I'll ask you for it).
So, I'm kind of over it..and kind of weary of it. That's all. I still have it, probably won't delete it, still check it, still read about my "friends" but I am learning about real friendship. I am learning about seeing someone's face, not trying to shy away tears when talking about something you are passionate about. I am learning that I need to be comfortable in my own skin around people. I am learning I need to get off my butt and move, and cook, and fellowship and drink more tea. I am learning that I need to get off the computer, and simply live. I refuse to become part of the giant. I will stand against the tide. I will not be absorbed in.
Thank you Lord for blessing me with the close friends (and new friends!) that you have, showing me that I need to live, and help me to do so. Please help me to guard the heart you have given me. I need to!
