Friday, March 5, 2010

I was on facebook this evening looking up people from before, before I was who I was. People I have met along the way. I was so very saddened to see that the majority of the ones that professed to be Christians, to love the Lord with all their hearts, have evolved into this shell of what they once were, severely, rebelliously liberal and bitter. I look at my own walk and see the struggles I face, looking for a way to grow with all life has thrown my way. As sad as I am to see the state of these people, so angry, so wanting to be anything but what they once were, how I knew them, I am wanting to be more driven to be the opposite. I know what it is to grow up in the church. While many who didn't wish that they had, I have seen the struggles this has brought. I have seen so much much sin, so much that is NOT of God...and I can understand, I can understand, to some degree, where these people are coming from. But when everyone else has proven faulty, severly human and unreliable. There has been one constant, God. Hebrews says He is the same yesterday today and forever....people change, God doesn't.

Where does this all fit in with the fabric of our lives...changes, seasons, yet a God, a Savior that remains the same, ever-steadfast, ever-strong...I feel I have so many feelings, hurts, questions, fears, doubts, but I cannot escape the inescapable God...the God who has seen me through hard trials, and helped me to breathe again, helped me to still see beauty in simplicity despite a bleeding heart...and for that I keep on. Even when i cannot fathom answers tot eh hard questions in life, He remains. Even when I don't understand how so much evil can exist int hsi world, He remains. Even when I just want to live my life by my own undertanding, He remains.

I fear a purposed blog has become a rambling, but this is my heart, right here, right now. Whilst so confused and discouraged, so encouraged...the walls around me shift and slide, yet there is the one strong tower that is unfaltering...if only I can find my way, hold on tight, and learn to watch the shifting sand be swept away, and still remain, remain with Him, because He remains...

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