I yearn...

I have been so sick over the past 2 1/2 months that I have pretty much been confined to the comfort of my home.  It is much better to throw up one's own toilet than someone elses, this is a fact I am quite sure of.  I have realized I have let my passions fade, and this makes me sad. I have been passionate about many thing in my life, and I need to rekindle that.  This ranges from the most important, my passion for Jesus, to the less important, creativity, reading, etc.  I MISS so much. I MISS the relationship I had with the Lord, where every thought I had was a prayer.  I was so intimate with my Savior, i could not finish my day without picking up my Bible and reading it.  I remember when every page was alive, when I couldn't NOT be excited to hold it in my hand and think that He had something to tell me. I miss being a part of a worship team.  When all that existed when I closed my eyes were voices I tried to blend mine with, and Jesus.  That was it.  Just trying to honor Him with my voice and seeking Him.  I miss that.  I miss the excitement.  I am sad I have let that fade away, but I am so thankful because I know that I can get that back.  

I hope I am nearing ending the sickness from this pregnancy so I can live again.  So I can go outside and take a walk and smell the flowers, feel the warm sun on my skin.  I look forward to spending much needed time with friends I haven't seen in weeks.  I look forward to planning for this new life.  I have so much ahead of me, and I feel I have a lot to do, I just need to do it.  I need to move forward.  I need to reach out and grab the things I have let drift away.  I need to be passionate again, I yearn for that.